Are you carrying Hidden Grief?

Coined in 1989 by Dr. Kenneth J. Doka, the term "Hidden Grief" or "Disenfranchised Grief" describes forms of grief that are not acknowledged on a personal or societal level. When we experience a loss or difficulty that isn't recognised as cause for grief by those around us, we can find that we continue to carry that experience through life.

Invalidated, unprocessed and ultimately ungrieved, the related loss or pain experienced can remain like heavy baggage within our emotions and thought life. And we may not even be consciously aware of it.

Loss is complicated. We can feel heavy sorrow at the passing of somebody that hurt us. We can experience distress at the ending of a relationship that wasn't healthy. We can feel deep sadness when moving on from a home or job, even when it's as a result of our own decision-making.

I've learnt the hard way that trying to ignore feelings of grief, however they arise, will not remove the uncomfortable feelings. I've found that the only way to lighten the load that grief brings is to acknowledge the cause; to allow and identify the feelings that arise; and to engage in activities that bring relief, such as mindfulness, journaling, rest or exercise.

Sometimes we need a witness to our hidden grief in the form of a counsellor or therapist in order to process it fully. Other times we need help moving forward and engaging in more positive habits and activities in the form of a coach. Get in touch if you think that coach could be me.